THE TRAVELING IN-BETWEEN: My Journey from Childhood to Graduate School

Fig. 1: Celebrating my graduation at CSU East Bay with some flowers and a teddy bear.

May, 13, 2023. When I attended the commencement ceremony for my graduation from California State University — East Bay (CSUEB) that day, I took a moment for myself to look around and see more than eight years of college lead to such a wholesome moment filled with celebration, joy, and hope for brighter futures. I thought about the endless nights studying for exams, the laughter and joy I exchanged with my fellow classmates, and the stern guidance of fellow professors, staff, and other folks I’ve met along the way that helped me be who I am now. A part of me is grateful to have accomplished getting my Master’s, but another part is also curious about what’s next for me, which I’ll dive into later.

For now, I want to go back to the year 1975 — a year that laid the foundation for what I’ve come to envision for myself up to this moment in my life.

PART I: A Journey from the Fall

Whenever you drink water, remember the source.

— Vietnamese saying

Fig. 2: Vietnamese refugees fleeting by boat to Australia. SOURCE: Cabinet archives 1992–93: Forget Tampa, boat people panic began under Keating | The Canberra Times | Canberra, ACT

On April 30, 1975, the Fall of Saigon occurred, marking the end of the Vietnam War. Ever since that day, more than hundreds of thousands of Vietnamese refugees fled their home country, often via boat (as shown in Figure 2), in order to search for life, opportunity, and freedom across the mysterious and treacherous seas of the Pacific Ocean. Two of those refugees were my parents, who then married on December 26, 1992, in the state of California and eventually had two amazing children — my older sister Quyen Kim Vu and me, Ken Dinh Vu. From that moment on, my story began in a small, working-class suburban neighborhood in San Jose, California.

Fig. 3: A family photo with me (left), my mother (second from left), my sister (second from right), and my dad (right) in 2008.

As a young child, I was fascinated by the work ethic and resilience of my parents, who dared to risk so much along the way to give us the life we have now. My dad worked a series of manual labor jobs ranging from carpentry to jewelry repair to even fixing computers and phones; he had a keen and sharp mind for improvising technical solutions and getting into the nitty-gritty of how things work — a product of the experiences he had surviving war-torn Vietnam and navigating life as a fresh immigrant to the United States in the late 1980s.

On the other hand, my mother’s a first-generation college graduate from San Jose State University who works as a community college library assistant — a reflection of her love for reading and exploring different cultures through the movies and books she enjoyed on a weekly basis. Thus, given my parents’ history and the challenges they overcame growing up, I saw in my parents the importance of upholding and believing in the values of responsibility, community, and understanding, which I wanted to have for myself as well.

PART II: Finding Strength through Reading

Our lives are remembered by the gifts we leave our children.

— Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001)

When I was about two years old, I was diagnosed with the learning disability autism, which affects my ability to manage social interactions and learn effectively in a classroom setting; for example, I would frequently experience sensory overload, which resulted in quick meltdowns whenever there was too much visual and auditory stimuli for me to focus on all at once. I would also have several developmental delays that meant not being able to learn how to successfully read, write, and speak at my grade level.

As a result, I was placed in special education classes (such as the one pictured below in Figure 4) where the classroom sizes were relatively small (about 8–14 students) and each student learned at different paces through the accommodations they received.

Fig. 4: My special education class from 3rd grade to 5th grade between 2006–2008.

As much as special education provided me the support I needed to succeed academically, it was also a source of ridicule and bullying among several of my peers, who saw me as inferior or lacking in potential simply because I had struggles related to autism. Students would refuse to play with me during recess. Some adults may occasionally make condescending remarks that often infantilized me rather than provide a nuanced and human understanding of who I am as a person. Plus, I had a hard time reading social cues and nonverbal body language — a major barrier in my ability to successfully reach across the aisle and connect with others outside of my group of special education classmates.

Living with these issues constituted much of my childhood at the time, but at the same time, I felt that something needed to change. A part of me sensed that I had much greater potential for something more than I let on, for I found inspiration through the stories my parents told me of their plight from Vietnam after the war to the day they got married and established a life for themselves in California. I saw how much it gave them joy and much-earned happiness to live a life filled with love, community, and a sense of purpose towards building a more peaceful and prosperous world. I told myself, “I want to have that for myself, too, even if I had no idea how to get there.”

On the other hand, another part of me needed for me to be certain that I could succeed before I could commit myself to a goal. I’m someone who tends to be risk-adverse, constantly micromanaging my life in the hopes I could guarantee an outcome, which wasn’t as successful as I wanted to be. Thus, I would frequently internalize negative self-talk, which was a major hurdle that prevented me from progressing further than I could’ve.

However, my mother thought otherwise, for even when raising me challenged her in every way, she still saw me as someone who had the power to achieve success in adulthood and beyond; she spent much of her childhood and young adult years striving for the best in herself, so she did not want me to believe that there’s nothing else for me out there in the world. So, through her unwavering belief in me as well as her love for reading and learning, she sought to take matters in her own hands by having me get extra practice in reading, writing, and speaking outside of class.

Fig. 5: Another day of homework review with me (on the right), my sister (on the left), and my mother (in the middle while in elementary school.

She would have me read college-level works of literature (i.e., Les Misérables, 20000 Leagues Under the Sea, Pride and Prejudice, etc.), write weekly book reports on them, and have me read them out loud at night, even if I got frustrated and tired with doing them frequently; she wanted me to have my best chance possible in adulthood as she believed in the power of education in shaping one’s life and destiny, as it did for her when she got her Bachelor’s Degree from San Jose State University in the late 1980s. While these home reading activities were certainly draining to do as a young child, they eventually paid off later on when I was able to read, write, and speak well enough to transfer out of special education and enter regular classes — an achievement I was proud of.

However, I knew then that there was more I could achieve for myself and I thought to myself, “If I could tackle regular coursework, what if it signifies my ability to tackle more? Maybe, even college like my mother did years ago?” Sure, it’s possible that I could fail along the way, but I wouldn’t know until I least gave it a chance. And I certainly did. For example, I started taking AP English and Math courses in high school and graduated from it. I got the chance to volunteer through my high school’s military leadership program JROTC (Junior Reserves Officers’ Training Corps) and various non-profit organizations in college.

Fig. 6: TOP — Me (far right) and several of my fellow cadets standing at attention during a Color Guard competition in 2012, BOTTOM — Me (right) and my sister (left) at my high school graduation ceremony in 2015.

Plus, during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in applied mathematics and a minor in computer science from San Jose State University — my mother’s alma mater as well as a representation of an extraordinary milestone in my life as someone following in my mother’s footsteps to be a well-rounded college graduate like her.

Fig. 7: My graduation card during my virtual graduation ceremony for San Jose State University at the end of the Spring 2020 semester.

PART III: Time to Let Go

HERO BOY: “Well, I want to believe, but…”

HOBO: “But! You don’t want to be bamboozled. You don’t want to be lead down the…[GARDEN]…PATH! You don’t want to be conned or duped, have the wool pulled over your eyes hoodwinked. You don’t want to be taken for a ride…RAILROADED! Seeing is believing, am I right?” — The Polar Express (2004)

However, even with all that I accomplished up to that point, I still felt as if I wasn’t anywhere close to having a fulfilling life. I still wondered what my purpose in life, having realized along the way that a career in applied mathematics wasn’t what I thought I was passionate about in the first place; I grew to want meaningful work where I was contributing to a cause that centered on the well-being of others (or even society), such as education, climate change, and other similar areas, yet I didn’t know where to start. I also took on a mishmash of different experiences and projects that didn’t seem to cohesively fit together, leaving me to wonder if I truly failed or if I could’ve had a different career path that would’ve been more successful.

Fig. 8: A stressful day of studying during remote learning at San Jose State University during the Spring 2020 semester.

As a result, I began to search far and wide for a better career path for myself. Eventually, my hopes were answered when I stumbled upon announcements about applying to graduate school at California State University, East Bay (CSUEB), which helped me recall a conversation I had with a former co-worker years ago about graduate school.

As a recent CSUEB graduate, my co-worker then told me about his background as a statistician and showed me some of what he got to learn and do as one. R programming. Survey design. Data wrangling. Social science research. Topics that spoke to my technical side as well as my personal passion for making a difference for social causes (hence, the wide array of non-profit volunteer work I did in the past). That conversation left me open to considering the possibility of going to graduate school after getting my bachelor’s degree, which I left dormant at the back of my mind for months until the day I saw those graduate school announcements from CSUEB.

Back then, I thought, “This could be my chance to try something new for once.” I managed to progress this far in my life, and I wanted to take my personal and academic development to the next level; I had a strong and newfound interest for statistics through my past conversations with one of my former co-workers, so I knew it was an excellent path for me to go on. But could I pull it off successfully? My parents have never done it before as while my mother and sister are both college graduates, they stopped at the bachelor’s degree level and didn’t pursue higher education beyond that point.

I also wondered about whether or not it was the right path for me to go on as I spent five years in college thinking I would be a math teacher or applied mathematician, only to find that I wanted to do something else. After a conversation with my mom (pictured above on my left), I started to realize that even though I ended up straying far away from what I initially came to college to do, I actually learned a lot that I was grateful for.

Fig. 9: My mom (left) and I at home during the COVID-19 pandemic.

For instance, my mom pointed out how being in JROTC taught me to be disciplined and driven with what I do, helping me gain self-confidence while in high school. She also took note of how volunteering in high school and college allowed for me to practice my social skills and meet like-minded people with a passion for serving a higher cause. The list goes on, but it came to show how despite uncertainty about the outcomes of these experiences, they succeeded in helping me grow as a person. It may have been what I expected, but they did provide a lot of value in my life that not even tangible accolades and metrics could accurately measure.

“So why not give graduate school a try?” I wondering to myself initially before finding that if I were to do it, I’ll be the first in my family to do so since both my mother and sister finished their higher education journey with bachelor’s degrees. Sensing hesitation, my mother brought up how she had dreams of her own to go to graduate school herself, but had unforeseen circumstances preventing her from doing so. Thus, she reasoned that if she can’t do so, she could make up for it by supporting me for my first year in graduate school.

In response, I said, “You really would do this for me, even if I don’t even have my life path figured out yet?” “Nothing would make me more proud than to see my son get through graduate school. Besides, you made it this far and you can certainly do it again,” she replied confidently. She was going to leave behind any chance of her going to graduate school in the future so that I could go instead — the kind of sacrifice only a loving and supportive parent would make for their child.

It was then that I realized that I won’t always know everything, no matter how much experience, preparation, or knowledge I have; it’s part of being human, but it’s also part of what makes human beings capable of learning and growing — that acceptance of what you don’t know and yet, still continuing to gnaw at the unknown out of an unwavering faith in possibility. Even if it ends in failure, there’s still so much more to personal growth than where I end up in life, for all these experiences and skills I’ll gain along the way will shape me into a more informed and driven person.

With that perspective in mind, I decided to enroll into the Master’s in Statistics at California State University — East Bay during the Spring 2021 semester and the rest was history.

Fig. 10: Ready or not! East Bay, here I come!

PART IV: The Road Goes Ever On and On…

…the risk that might break you is the one that would say, ‘A life you don’t live is still lost.’ So, stand on the edge with me, hold back your fear, and see that nothing is real until it’s gone.

— The Goo Goo Dolls

Fig. 11: Me attending the first day of the Conference on Statistical Practices in San Francisco, CA on February 2, 2023.

Several years later, here I am as a graduate from CSUEB with a Master’s in Statistics. Looking back at my time there, I’m amazed at the opportunities and experiences I had there. I got the chance to take more responsibility through working as a teaching associate briefly, co-founding and managing the school’s first student chapter of the American Statistical Association and learning to manage my time better as a busy graduate student. I also got to engage with a community of understanding, talented, and unique students (such as those shown below in Figure 12) that’re all united by our passion for learning and growth — all of whom embodied the values of responsibility, understanding, and community (the ones I cared about since childhood).

Fig. 12: A day of volunteering and street cleanup with my fellow ASA student chapter officers at Tennyson Park in Hayward, CA.

As I celebrate my graduation with pride, I now turn towards the future and wonder, “What’s next for me?” — the same question I struggled with after I got my bachelor’s degree in 2020. I’ve gotten myself this far and now, I don’t know what’s next for me. It could be more schooling perhaps, but at this point in my life, I’ll need time off from school before I consider school again.

As of 2023, I’m leaning towards making CSUEB be my last rodeo into higher education, but I also want to keep myself open to what life could possibly offer me moving forward. I imagine some of you fresh college graduates are wondering the same thing as well, so I hope you’re assured knowing that I too am trying to figure out this question myself. While I still find the future uncertain to deal with, I do know one thing; an uncertain future can suggest the possibility of danger and failure, but also the possibility of growth and opportunity at the same time.

Fig. 13: “Now, bring me that horizon! Savy?”

For me, if there’s one thing I took from graduate school (as well as my life so far), it’s that you’re never certain of what could happen to you moving forward. Even when you reach a milestone or achievement, there’ll always be unknowns lying ahead for you to face and venture into, even in adulthood. While you may have fears about the unknown and what you do or don’t know, don’t let yourself get caught up in lingering over what lies behind you in the rearview mirror or where you could end up moving forward.

We’re not always going to be in control of those aspects of life as what gives life its inherent meaning and value isn’t from where you started or ended, but all the traveling you do in-between and what you choose take from it. In other words, don’t think too much where you started or where you’ll end up, but the experiences you get along the way. As long as you focus on what to take with you from each experience, you’ll get closer to the kind of world you want to live in.

Fig. 14: A wonderful photo shoot at the iconic EAST BAY letters on-campus.

Special Acknowledgements

Thank you to the Department of Statistics and Biostatistics at the California State University — East Bay for the wonderful two-year experience I had in the Master’s in Statistics program, including supporting the school’s first student chapter of the American Statistical Association (ASA).

Fig 16: The front stage of the commencement ceremony (at the Athletics’ Field at CSU East Bay).

Thank you to my dear classmate and friend Lydia for encouraging me to be more proactive with my life and bringing me and many of our classmates together (as well as starting the first student chapter of ASA). I will always remember your timeless advice of “always be networking”.

Thank you to my Statistics and Biostatistics classmates (especially Kaleb, Kotomi, Colin, Sara, and Nikhil) for the memories and experiences we shared together (plus, helping to co-found and support the ASA student chapter). We laughed, we cried, and most of all, we were there for each other in this exciting adventure full of knowledge, wisdom, and many more celebrations to come.

Fig 17: Congratulations to the Class of 2023 for our Master’s students in the Statistics and Biostatistics program!

Thank you to my fellow Statistics colleague at the San Jose-Evergreen Community College District (where I used to work) for telling me about your work as a statistician as well as the MS Statistics program at CSU East Bay, which gave me the inspiration and direction I needed to pursue one.

Thank you to my eighth-grade math teacher and Calculus AB teacher for sparking my interest in math initially. While I did stray far from my math major since then, your enthusiasm and compassion for teaching students like me laid the foundation for where I am now, especially when you both encouraged me to tutor other students (which helped me overcome my shyness and practice my social skills).

Thank you to my JROTC instructor “Top” in high school for not only giving me and other cadets the opportunity to practice and exercise leadership and self-discipline, but also supporting me, even during some of my toughest days in high school. I can never thank you enough for your guidance and how much of a people-person you are for everyone around you.

Fig 18: (From left to right) My dad, my mom, me, and my older sister Quyen.

And most of all, thank you to my family (Mom, Dad, and my dear sister Quyen) for the love, energy, and spirit you instilled in me to achieve my best. I may be the odd one out being that I’m the lone mathematics/statistics major in the family, but you all have played a part in shaping me into who I am now.

Quyen, as much as I struggle to keep up with your adventurous, creative spirit as a risk-adverse introvert, I do admire your tenacity, drive, and do-it-yourself mentality when it comes to going after your creative dreams and ambitions.

Dad, you taught me how to be resourceful and ambitious and to not always take failure as an answer and let it be the “be-all-end-all” to life; I don’t think I can ever come close to the kind of creativity you have with your ongoing personal construction projects at home (i.e., remodeling, adding house extensions, etc).

Mom, your love for reading and your unwavering faith in me with those long homework nights we went through has shown me what was possible for me. In fact, all those times you encouraged me to read more helped me be the adept writer and thinker I am now (I mean, who else in this family loves reading and exploring world issues as much as I do?). Plus, being a first-generation college graduate has definitely inspired me and Quyen to go to college as well (not to mention, giving me the momentum needed to go even further than needed by going to graduate school).

Fig 19: The design of the back of my graduation cap. FYI, “Ace of Cups” is a tarot card that symbolizes emotional fulfillment, the beginning of a new personal journey. Highly fitting for a day like this.

Overall, I will never understand what Mom and Dad went through to achieve a prosperous life here in the United States, but I will do my utmost to honor it through what I choose to do with my life and always remembering where I came from. As I like to say, you can’t have leaves without the roots that make possible the branches that bear them.

P.S. Congratulations to the Class of 2023 and may we all head towards a brighter and more prosperous future!